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Summer Days (Fool's Gold, #7) - Susan Mallery NO ONE WARNED ME ABOUT THE GOATSThe WTFery is strong with this book. Allow me to itemize:-> Hero's TSTL mother paid heroine's slimy manwhore grandfather $250,000 for a ranch he didn't own. No title search is done and no deed changes hands.-> Millionaire business tycoon hero is partly to blame for this travesty of justice because he signed contracts without reading them.-> Hero files complaint. Heroine's grandfather spends one night in jail. TSTL mother refuses to press charges. Slimy con man grandfather is absolved of ALL legal repercussions. He graciously allows his beloved granddaughter - who was never involved in the fraud - to be responsible for paying restitution.-> Judge orders disputing parties to share the property until restitution can be made. So they all move in together.-> Heroine's defense lawyer advises her to sleep with the hero - aka the plaintiff. Everyone laughs.-> Heroine's name is Heidi. She wears her hair in two long braids. She lives with her grandfather near the mountains. She raises goats (see below).-> Hero's TSTL mother has a thing for impulse purchases of exotic animals. On eBay.-> Hero's TSTL mother marries the ex-carny con man who defrauded her of a quarter million dollars. Because "he did it for a good cause."-> Heroine's ranch is menaced by feral cows. She wants to donate them to a zoo.-> Hero refuses to discuss youngest brother's name because baby bro is a meth dealer. Just kidding. It's even worse - he's an underwear model and movie butt double. [Underwear model's book All Summer Long (Fool's Gold) is five-star fantastic, btw]-> Guard llamas. From eBay. You know, to protect the sheep. No, really.-> Heroine's mortgage payments on 1,000-acre ranch are funded by her herd of goats. Goat milk, goat cheese, goat milk soap, goat fertilizer. Generously provided by her herd of eight friendly and frisky goats. Business tycoon hero advises her to market her goat cheese to Whole Foods and Trader Joe's.Before we move on to the good part, let's revisit that last item. Specifically, the herd of eight goats. Not eighty. Not even eighteen. Eight (8).EIGHT GOATS IS NOT A HERD.Unless these are giant mutant hybrid goats with grotesquely oversize lady parts bio-engineered to lactate spontaneously, there is NO F'ING WAY eight goats could produce enough milk, cheese and fertilizer to cover the mortgage payments on a 1,000-acre ranch. NUH-UH. No way. No how. What kind of bank approves a loan with that kind of business plan???ANYWAY - let's get to the funny business! The hero's TSTL mother follows up the eBay Guard Llamas with another impulse purchase. An elephant.Hero: "Any chance that's just a rental"?That bit right there was worth the second star. In case you were wondering, the elephant's name is Priscilla. [NOTE: I read a digital reviewer's copy provided by the publisher via NetGalley]