Grade: D for lot of eye-rolling and some major ::HEADDESK::ing.This started out as a One-Quote Review, and then four hours later I found myself in the throes of a Full Snark Bitchfest.You’re damn right I am. Also, if you give mecake to relax, it better not be made of Ivory Soap.If you read the whole epic rant, you’ll see why. But here's a few teasers as evidence of my very-much-in-the-minority low grade on this.I have two positive things to say about this book:(1) It was only 99 cents.(2) It wasn’t Sweet Jesus! Honey Dews! bad.But it was close.I know I shouldn’t judge an entire series by the first book, but since it had a multi-arc storyline, I figured one book was more than enough.You don’t believe me, do you? DO YOU? Well, all I can say is, READ THIS:Him: “Your first blow on my coffee turned me on.”Her: “My nipples picked you out of the crowd.”And that was the good part.I present as further evidence these choice bits of WTFery:Cringe-worthy baseball cliches, metaphors and trivia.In the heat of her hurt and anger, she hit on a drastic measure. Celibacy would get his attention, which she relayed in the baseball lingo he’d understand.“Stevie’s temporarily out of the game. Until she’s back at bat, you won’t be rounding my bases.”Weird retro product and pop culture references, e.g., Playgirl magazine.In bold black across his groin ran his Bad to the Bone tattoo. Jacy traced the tattoo, remembering his recent photo shoot with Playgirl. “Did you flash Bone during your layout?”Post-sex Cosmo quiz to determine marriage compatibility.Fun fact: Our heroine uses a glitter pen to record their answers. I'll bet it's a Bic for Her.Repetitive coffee-themed puns that double as sexual innuendo.After satisfying Stall and Tate, she worked her way down the counter, pleasing the row of males vying for her attention. More sugar. More cooling blows.Uncontrollable nipples.Her nipples went on full alert. Points so visible it looked like she was smuggling raisins.Repetitive and boring and REPETITIVE euphemisms for boy parts....His sex shot north....His sex started to rise....His sex jutted like her nipples....squeezed his testicles and swelled his sex....his sex twitched.Quickies in restaurant walk-in coolers, on country-club buffet tables and behind dumpsters in alleys....She came with six strokes of his sex. He climaxed seconds thereafter....Again and again, he mated with her mouth....He took her in the missionary position.Completely out-of-character purple prose.The orgasms they shared went beyond the physical. Each climax embraced the collective oneness of mind and soul.And, last, but very not least....Please give me a moment, I’m going to needanother bottle. And a bigger glass.THE FAT SHAMING....While Stevie tipped the scale at one-thirty-six, ten of those pounds lacked sinew. Brownies and cookie dough had stolen her cheekbones. Her pants wouldn’t zip. Her thighs now rubbed together.No cheekbones AND chafing thighs? Horrors.She slid her hands down her sides, felt the slight bulge at her waist. Was he embarrassed by her weight? Her size sixes had evolved into tens and twelves over the years, and the occasional fourteen.Though she would have preferred a little black dress, she’d be squeezing into a conservative rose silk suit. With elastic inserts around the waistband of the skirt.Holy hell — double digits AND elastic? Oh. Dear. God. She deserves every ounce of humiliation she gets - even from a man she just met hours ago:“Chocolate-covered strawberries are great comfort food.”“Find comfort elsewhere.”“Why all the concern?” His gaze darkened to jet, dropped to her breasts, then to her belly....That was just beginning of the conversation. And there's PLENTY more of it. But it's all good, because we all know that women who wear clothing sizes in double-digits are just pathetic losers, right?::HEADDESK::There was NO REASON to include ANY of that. None. Completely irrelevant to the story. It’s just a lazy and insulting excuse for character development.What exactly is a ROMANCE AUTHOR trying to communicate to readers with that kind of utter BULLSHIT? Am I the only one who notices — or cares — about demeaning, misogynistic presentations of women in contemporary fiction?!!!GAH!!!So, as you might imagine, the negative feelings stayed with me a few days, and after a very interesting Twitter discussion, I felt compelled to do a few follow-up blog posts. Mostly snark, of course, but with some bona-fide, honest-to-god constructive criticism.The full five-part Epic Mean Girl Rant of WTF Righteous Indignation:(1) World Series of Romance: Squeeze Play by Kate Angell(2) Follow-Up: Fun with Fat Shaming! (Part 1)(3) More Fun with Fat Shaming: Group Project!(4) Even MORE Fun with Fat Shaming: The Low-Fat/No-Fat Edition!(5) Final Round of Fun with Fat Shaming: The Guys
